What to Prepare for Your Engagement? The Complete Engagement Checklist for Couples

What to Prepare for Your Engagement? Don't Let the Betrothal Ceremony Catch You Off Guard

The proposal has gone smoothly, and now it is time for the engagement.

But does this sound familiar? You are brimming with excitement, yet the moment you think about everything you need to prepare, your mind goes completely blank. What exactly is the difference between the Six Gifts and the Twelve Gifts? How much should the bride price be? What return gifts does the bride's family need to prepare?

Don't worry. This article is your ultimate engagement preparation guide. We have compiled everything the groom's side and the bride's side each need to prepare, along with the engagement ceremony procedures and red packet etiquette, all in one comprehensive checklist. Follow it, and you will be calm and composed on the big day.

The Very First Step Before the Engagement: Both Families Need to Sit Down and Talk

Many couples rush to buy things the moment the date is set, but the most important thing is actually communication.

Engagement customs can vary greatly depending on the region and family traditions. Practices in the north and the south can differ, and even your next-door neighbour's family may follow different rules. So before you start preparing anything, sit down with both sets of parents and confirm a few things:

Should you prepare the Six Gifts or the Twelve Gifts? How will both families agree on the bride price amount? Will the ceremony be held at the bride's home or at a banquet venue? Which customs should be kept, and which can be simplified?

Once these broad directions are settled, the preparation that follows will not go to waste.

What Does the Groom's Side Need to Prepare? The Complete Six Gifts Checklist

The Six Gifts (六禮, Liu Li) are the most common set of betrothal gifts in modern engagements. They are the simplified version of the traditional Twelve Gifts. Here is what the groom's side needs to prepare:

Bride Price and Gold Jewellery

The bride price is divided into the Grand Betrothal (大聘, Da Pin) and the Small Betrothal (小聘, Xiao Pin), with the amount decided through discussion between both families. The most common practice today is to "accept the Small Betrothal and return the Grand Betrothal," where the Grand Betrothal amount is symbolically returned, with only the red paper envelope kept to represent goodwill.

For gold jewellery, the groom's side prepares a complete set for the bride, including a gold necklace, gold bracelet, gold earrings, and a gold ring. On the betrothal day, the groom's mother personally puts the jewellery on the bride, symbolising the formal acceptance of the bride into the family.

Wedding Biscuits (Betrothal Pastries)

These are the wedding biscuits distributed to relatives and friends at the betrothal banquet. The quantity should be confirmed with the bride's family in advance. Nowadays, Western-style pastries are the most popular choice, though some elders still prefer to include traditional Chinese pastries.

Traditional Chinese Cakes (Ri Tou Bing)

Traditional round Chinese cakes symbolising completeness and harmony. Many modern couples replace them with Western-style pastries, but if the elders request them, preparing a small quantity will suffice.

Ceremonial Incense and Firecrackers

Used during the ancestral worship ceremony, symbolising prayers for peace and blessings. These are usually provided in pairs by the pastry shop when you order the wedding biscuits.

Six-Colour Wedding Sweets

Also known as "Six Sweets" (六甜, Liu Tian), these include winter melon candy, rock sugar, dried longan, and other confections, representing "sweetness in the heart." Pay special attention to the dried longan (福圓, Fu Yuan), which represents the groom's eyes. By custom, the bride's family does not keep them, but the bride may secretly eat two, symbolising that the groom is the only one in her heart and eyes.

Head-to-Toe Gifts (Tou Wei Li)

Six gifts covering the bride from head to toe, such as clothing, handbags, shoes, and watches. By custom, a red packet with an even amount of money should be placed in each garment pocket, symbolising a life of abundance and prosperity. Nowadays, some people simply replace these with red packets, labelling them "Head-to-Toe Gifts."

Want a Grander Ceremony? Here Is What the Twelve Gifts Add

If both families prefer a more elaborate celebration, six additional items can be added to the Six Gifts to form the complete Twelve Gifts (十二禮, Shi Er Li):

Glutinous Rice and Brown Sugar: Given to the bride's family to make tang yuan (sweet rice balls), symbolising family reunion and marital bliss. If tang yuan will not be made, white rice can be used as a substitute.

Wine: Typically two dozen (24 bottles) are prepared, corresponding to the 24 solar terms of the year, signifying peace and smooth sailing all year round.

Vermicelli (Mian Xian): Symbolising "a fateful bond connecting lovers across a thousand miles," representing lifelong devotion and enduring blessings.

Whole Pig or Ham: Can be substituted with a half pig or pork knuckle. These are given to the bride's relatives and friends, representing sincerity and abundance.

Capon or Hen: Symbolising vitality, vigour, and the building of a prosperous household.

Canned Goods or Dried Delicacies: Traditionally canned goods were used, but nowadays many people opt for abalone, bird's nest, and other premium health foods to better express their sincerity.

What Does the Bride's Side Need to Prepare? The Return Gifts Checklist

The engagement is not solely the groom's responsibility. The bride's side also needs to prepare return gifts to show sincerity.

Gold Jewellery and Head-to-Toe Gifts

The bride's family likewise prepares a gold necklace and gold ring for the groom. On the betrothal day, the bride's mother personally puts the jewellery on the groom, symbolising the formal acceptance of the groom as a son-in-law. The Head-to-Toe Gifts are prepared in the same way as the groom's side: six practical items from head to toe.

Returning Half the Betrothal Gifts

In addition to the gold jewellery and Head-to-Toe Gifts, the bride's family typically returns half of the wedding biscuits, ceremonial incense and firecrackers, and Six-Colour Wedding Sweets that the groom's side brought. This is the most common practice today.

Sweet Tea and Tea Set

The longan sweet tea and teacups used for the tea-serving ceremony on the betrothal day. The number of cups must match the number of the groom's relatives participating in the tea ceremony exactly, no more, no less.

High-Legged Chair and Small Round Stool

The high-legged chair for the bride to sit on and the small stool for her feet can be rented from a wedding customs supplies shop.

If the groom's side prepares the Twelve Gifts, the bride's side also needs to prepare corresponding return gifts for the Twelve Gifts, which include additional items such as glutinous rice (can be substituted with white rice), wheat, or grain.

How Does the Engagement Ceremony Proceed? Eight Simple Steps

Now that you know what to prepare, how does the ceremony unfold on the actual day?

Step One: Groom's Ancestral Worship Before departing, the groom worships his ancestors at home, informing them of the marriage and praying for a smooth ceremony.

Step Two: Departure and Welcoming When the groom's convoy arrives within approximately 100 metres of the bride's home, firecrackers are set off. The bride's family also sets off firecrackers to welcome them.

Step Three: Introductions and Presenting the Betrothal Gifts (Na Zheng) The matchmaker formally introduces the relatives from both sides, and the groom's party presents the betrothal gifts to the bride's family.

Step Four: Serving Sweet Tea Guided by a "blessed woman" (好命婆, Hao Ming Po), the bride serves sweet tea to the groom's relatives in order of seniority.

Step Five: Collecting Tea Cups (Ya Cha Ou) After the groom's relatives finish their sweet tea, they roll up a red packet and place it inside the cup. The bride then collects the cups in the same order.

Step Six: Exchanging Rings The bride sits on the high-legged chair, and the groom places the engagement ring on the bride's middle finger first, followed by the bride placing a ring on the groom's middle finger. Note that the betrothal ring is worn on the middle finger, which is different from the Western tradition of wearing the proposal ring on the ring finger.

Step Seven: Exchanging Formal Gifts The groom's mother puts gold jewellery on the bride, and the bride's mother puts gold jewellery on the groom.

Step Eight: Ancestral Worship and Return Gifts Both sides offer incense to the ancestors together, and the bride's family prepares the return gifts to hand over to the groom's side.

If preparing the ceremony at home feels too troublesome, it is now very popular to hold the betrothal ceremony directly at a banquet venue. With professional hotel staff assisting, the couple can focus more on enjoying this important milestone.

How Much Should the Red Packets Be? An Etiquette Guide

There are quite a few red packets to prepare during the betrothal process. Here are the common red packet items and suggested amounts for reference:

Red Packets the Groom's Side Should Prepare

Door-Opening Gift (for the young relative carrying the gift tray from the bride's side): NT$600 to NT$1,200. Brother-of-the-Bride Gift: NT$6,600 to NT$12,000. Matchmaker Gift: NT$6,600 to NT$12,000. Blessed Woman Gift: NT$1,200 to NT$2,600.

Red Packets the Bride's Side Should Prepare

Porter Gift (for those carrying the betrothal gifts from the groom's side): NT$600 to NT$1,200. Matchmaker Gift: NT$6,600 to NT$12,000.

Red packet amounts should be even numbers, and the number "4" should be avoided. Confirm with your parents in advance so you won't be scrambling on the day itself.

How to Choose an Engagement Ring? Betrothal Ceremony vs Proposal

Many couples mix up the engagement ring and the proposal ring.

Simply put, the proposal ring is usually a diamond ring worn on the ring finger, representing "I do." The ring exchanged during the betrothal ceremony, on the other hand, is worn on the middle finger. Traditionally, the groom's mother prepares a gold ring paired with a copper ring (tied together with red string), symbolising "hearts united forever" (永結同心, Yong Jie Tong Xin).

Nowadays, more and more couples choose an exquisite diamond engagement ring for both the proposal and the betrothal ceremony. If you are considering this approach, we recommend choosing a diamond with GIA certification for assured quality, giving both families extra peace of mind.

Engagement Taboos to Watch Out For! Don't Step on These Landmines

There are certain customs worth heeding, just to be safe. Keep these key points in mind so the elders will not have anything to complain about on the betrothal day:

Always use even numbers. Whether it is the headcount, the number of cars, the betrothal gifts, or the red packet amounts, even numbers are the rule. Avoid the number "4."

The bride must not eat her own wedding biscuits. It is said that doing so would consume her own good fortune. The wedding biscuits received should be distributed to relatives and friends.

Do not push the ring all the way down in one go. When putting on the ring, slightly bend your finger, symbolising mutual respect and compromise between husband and wife.

If the incense sticks are crooked, do not re-insert them. During ancestral worship, if the incense sticks tilt, leave them as they are. Pulling them out and re-inserting them implies "remarriage."

The groom's relatives must leave when the fish dish is served. During the betrothal banquet, the groom's relatives should leave their seats when the fish dish arrives, and they must not say goodbye to the bride's side when leaving. Many modern banquet venues now serve the fish as the last course, allowing the groom's party to enjoy the full meal.

Those born in the Year of the Tiger or in mourning should avoid the ceremony. This is a traditional belief. Some modern families no longer observe this, but it is advisable to check with the elders first.

Engagement Preparation Timeline: How Far in Advance Should You Start?

We recommend starting preparations at least three months before the betrothal ceremony. Here is a rough timeline:

Three months before: Communicate with both families about customs, decide between the Six Gifts or Twelve Gifts, and book the banquet venue.

Two months before: Order wedding biscuits, select gold jewellery and rings, and book the bridal makeup artist and photographer.

One month before: Purchase the Six Gifts items, confirm red packet amounts, and coordinate the ceremony flow with the matchmaker.

One week before: Final check on all items, try on the ceremonial attire, and run through the ceremony flow with the photographer.

The day before: Arrange the Six Gifts in the red wooden boxes, prepare all red packets, and get a good night's rest.

The Complete Engagement Preparation Checklist for Couples

Here is a quick checklist you can save and refer to at any time:

Groom's Side Checklist: Bride price (Grand Betrothal and Small Betrothal), complete gold jewellery set, wedding biscuits, traditional Chinese cakes, ceremonial incense and firecrackers, Six-Colour Wedding Sweets, Head-to-Toe Gifts, various red packets, ceremonial cars (even number), red wooden boxes (can be rented).

Bride's Side Checklist: Gold jewellery (necklace, ring), Head-to-Toe Gifts, return of half the betrothal gifts, sweet tea and teacups, high-legged chair and small round stool, various red packets, ancestral worship supplies.

Items to Confirm Together: Betrothal date and auspicious time, banquet venue, matchmaker, bridal makeup artist and photographer, tea-serving headcount and order, ceremony flow and positioning.

Begin Your Sparkling Journey

Engagement preparation may seem overwhelming, but with advance planning and thorough communication with your families, everything will fall into place naturally.

Looking for an engagement ring that both families will love? Visit our GIA Diamond Knowledge Centre to learn the secrets of choosing the perfect diamond, or browse our proposal diamond ring collection to find the one that is meant for you.

Are you ready? Book a boutique appointment today and let our professional consultants recommend the perfect ring tailored just for you, marking the beginning of your happily ever after.

References

• GIA - Gemological Institute of America
• GIA 4Cs Diamond Education
• Ministry of the Interior, Republic of China - Marriage Registration Regulations

Editor's Note

Every time I see couples overwhelmed by engagement preparations, I am reminded of something a friend once said while planning her own betrothal ceremony: "Customs are for the elders' peace of mind, but the happiness is yours." I think what matters most has never been about which item is missing from the checklist. It is the sense of security that comes from facing everything hand in hand, together. Wishing every couple a smooth betrothal ceremony and overflowing happiness.