Chinese Engagement Taboos to Remember for a Smooth and Auspicious Betrothal

Chinese Engagement Taboos to Remember for a Smooth and Auspicious Betrothal

Before a wedding comes one very important milestone: the betrothal ceremony. While modern couples are generally more relaxed about traditional superstitions, the elders in your family certainly have not forgotten them. Have you considered that a single small misstep could put a dampener on what should be a joyful occasion?

Rather than scrambling to fix things after the fact, it is far better to understand the key engagement taboos beforehand. Whether or not you personally believe in feng shui, honouring these customs shows respect to both families and helps everyone feel at ease.

Choosing the Right Date: Get This Step Right First

The very first step after deciding to get engaged is picking an auspicious date. Chinese tradition places great importance on selecting a propitious time, typically by consulting the Chinese almanac (Tong Shu) or seeking advice from a date-selection master. Generally, dates marked as "breaking days" or inauspicious days in the lunar calendar should be avoided, and the Chinese zodiac compatibility of both parties is also worth considering.

If you are looking for guidance on how to choose your wedding date, the 2025-2027 auspicious wedding dates guide is a great starting point. Alternatively, consulting the elders in your family is always a wise move. When both families agree on the date, the rest of your planning will flow much more smoothly.

Who Should Not Attend the Betrothal Ceremony?

This is the area that catches many couples off guard. A betrothal ceremony is meant to be filled with joyful, auspicious energy, so tradition holds that certain guests should avoid attending:

Pregnant women: Some communities believe that two auspicious events happening simultaneously can "clash," and that having a pregnant woman present may bring about an unfavourable energy conflict. Customs vary across dialect groups, as Hokkien, Teochew, Cantonese, and Hakka families may each have slightly different views, so it is always best to check with your elders beforehand.

Those in mourning: If a close family member or friend has recently experienced a bereavement, tradition generally requires a period of time to pass before they participate in celebratory events. This reflects the traditional concern about mixing sorrowful and joyful energies, and should be treated with understanding and respect.

Zodiac clashes: Some elders pay close attention to whether any guest's Chinese zodiac sign clashes with the couple's. When in doubt, it is perfectly fine to quietly ask both sets of parents for their view before extending invitations.

Betrothal Dress Code: Have You Got the Colours Right?

What everyone wears on the day of the betrothal is one of the most visible areas where taboos come into play. Keep these points firmly in mind:

The bride-to-be

Traditionally, the bride should wear colours associated with happiness and good fortune, such as red, blush pink, or gold. In the betrothal ceremony process, it is also common for the bride's family to coordinate their outfits with the overall colour scheme of the occasion.

All guests

Attendees should avoid wearing all-black or all-white outfits. In Chinese tradition, these two colours are strongly associated with funerals and mourning, and wearing them to a betrothal would be considered deeply disrespectful and likely to upset the elders. Stick to warm tones or neutral shades that carry a sense of celebration.

The groom-to-be

Smart and formal attire is expected. Deep navy, charcoal grey, or burgundy are all excellent choices; these shades convey the gravitas appropriate for such an important occasion without veering into flashy or overly casual territory.

Betrothal Gift Taboos: What to Avoid

Preparing the betrothal gifts (known as Guo Da Li, or the Six Gifts and Twelve Gifts in Chinese tradition) can seem daunting. Within this ritual, certain numbers and items require special care:

Quantities must be in even numbers

Betrothal gifts should always come in even quantities, as even numbers symbolise partnership and doubling of good fortune. Odd-numbered gifts are considered unlucky, and this is something elders tend to feel very strongly about.

No shoes

The Chinese word for shoes (鞋, xié) sounds similar to the word for separation (散, sàn). Giving shoes as a betrothal gift is therefore seen as symbolically wishing the couple apart, and must be completely avoided.

Avoid sharp objects

Knives, scissors, and other bladed items carry the symbolic meaning of "cutting ties," making them deeply inauspicious as betrothal gifts.

Choose auspicious foods carefully

Traditional betrothal food items include longan (symbolising togetherness and sweetness), pork knuckle (for longevity), and sweets or candies (for a sweet life together). Each item carries specific meaning, so it is worth checking with your elders before making your purchases to ensure everything is appropriate for your dialect community's traditions.

Engagement Ring Etiquette and Superstitions

The engagement ring is the centrepiece of the entire betrothal ceremony. When it comes to choosing and wearing it, there are a few important customs to follow:

The ring must be placed on the bride's finger by the groom himself. This act represents a direct and sincere promise of care and devotion, and it should not be delegated to anyone else. Additionally, the engagement ring is traditionally worn on the right hand ring finger, as distinct from the wedding band which goes on the left hand ring finger. Do not mix these two up on the day.

As for the ring design itself, round settings are generally preferred as they symbolise completeness and wholeness. Styles with sharp angles or visible gaps in the band can be considered less auspicious. If you are searching for a ring that balances timeless symbolism with contemporary elegance, explore ALUXE's engagement ring collection, where every design is crafted with the idea of wholeness and lasting love at its core.

Behavioural Taboos During the Ceremony

Once the betrothal ceremony is formally underway, everyone in attendance needs to be mindful of the following:

No crying

Whether it is the couple, their parents, or the guests, tears are considered inauspicious during the ceremony. Crying is thought to bring misfortune to the marriage, so keep the atmosphere cheerful and celebratory throughout.

No unlucky words

Phrases such as "goodbye," "it's over," or "finished" are a firm no during any wedding occasion. Ask your guests to be thoughtful about their choice of words throughout the day.

No hitting or slapping the couple

Even in jest, hitting or jokingly slapping the couple during the ceremony is considered both disrespectful and inauspicious. This is worth reminding fun-loving friends and relatives ahead of time.

Do not touch the ritual offerings

If offerings have been set out for ancestral or deity worship during the ceremony, only the relevant family members should handle them. Uninvited contact is seen as disruptive to the blessings being sought.

Keep young children calm

A betrothal ceremony is a solemn and joyful occasion. If there are very young children in attendance, arrange for a responsible adult to look after them separately, so that noise and disruption do not interrupt the solemnity of the rites.

What You Need to Know About Betrothal Biscuits

After the betrothal is formalised, choosing and distributing betrothal biscuits is one of the bride's family's key responsibilities. Traditionally, these must be ordered in even quantities and shared with relatives and friends as a way of spreading the good news and joy.

One important note: betrothal biscuits should not be tasted before the order is placed. Sampling before committing is traditionally seen as disrespectful. Choose your preferred flavour and brand in advance, then place the order with confidence. Furthermore, once the biscuits have been sent out, they must not be returned or taken back, as their distribution signifies that the engagement is formally sealed.

After the Ceremony: Do Not Forget These

The ceremony ending does not mean all your obligations are done. By tradition, the groom's family should not leave before all the food prepared by the bride's family has been eaten, as departing early is considered disrespectful to the host family's sincerity and effort.

If you are combining both the betrothal and solemnisation on the same day, be especially careful to complete both sets of rituals fully. Do not skip or rush through any important steps for the sake of time. Each step carries its own significance and deserves its proper place.

Wedding planning is a long journey and it helps to have a clear roadmap. The complete wedding planning timeline can help you schedule every milestone methodically, so nothing falls through the cracks.

More Taboos to Know Before the Wedding

The betrothal is just the opening chapter of your happiness story. There is a whole separate set of customs and taboos to observe once you move into the wedding itself. Get ahead of the game by reading the complete guide to wedding day taboos, so both ceremonies proceed beautifully.

Pre-wedding health is another consideration that should not be overlooked. Use the preparation period after your betrothal to schedule a pre-marital health screening, so you both step into married life in the best possible condition.

Begin Your Brilliant Journey

Every step of a betrothal ceremony represents the most beautiful promise two families can make to each other. A carefully chosen engagement ring is more than a symbol of love; it is the point where tradition and romance meet. Explore GIA-certified diamond prices and find a stone that offers both quality assurance and the power of a truly meaningful commitment.

To deepen your knowledge of diamonds before you shop, visit ALUXE's GIA diamond knowledge centre, or work with our Acredo bespoke ring design service to create a one-of-a-kind engagement ring that is uniquely yours. Ready to take the next step? Book a boutique appointment and let our specialist consultants guide you to the perfect piece.

Editor's Note

There are more engagement taboos than you might think, yet every single one of them carries a layer of warmth and sincere good wishes from the generations before us. For modern couples, strictly observing every rule may not always be practical, but bringing a spirit of thoughtfulness and respect to these important family moments will almost always make the occasion more meaningful. Ultimately, helping both families feel genuinely valued and celebrated is what a betrothal is truly about.